Offer It Up

How many times did mom tell her 9 kids to "offer it up" when life seemed hard growing up. When we were hungry, tired, impatient, having a bad day, got hurt.....Mom would always tell us to "offer it up". I can hear her voice ringing in my ears from childhood. Of course as a kid I never really fully got the concept. I just figured it meant to just bear with the pain and quit complaining. I did not fully understand the beautiful Catholic theology of those words. I did not realize that I could truly unite my sufferings to those on the cross with Christ and God could provide me graces in my suffering. I am not sure I truly understood what those words meant until Mom got cancer. There was a will and determination that I saw in her that was stronger and more directed. It was obvious she had a mission and a purpose especially in her sickness. She accepted this cross with a strength that blew my mind and as she suffered the nausea and sickness especially from the chemo - she did it with a grace and a dignity and an "aloneness". She did not want to burden any of us.

At one point in her chemo treatment she was so sick and nauseated from the chemo and spent so many days and weeks nauseated in bed. We kept trying to help her and we all got to a point where we could not stand to see her suffering in bed. She would ask us to leave her door open because I think the sound of our voices and the "normal" life happenings outside her door brought her joy. Her kids were her strength and when we came it lifted her to deal with her cross. When I looked in her room and watched her lying in bed there was a peace and a purpose. I realized she was "offering it up". There were days I would look in her room and could almost feel the graces knowing in her heart that she was offering all her suffering for her husband and kids. She knew all too well the power of God's grace and would not lose any of it. She knew that maybe this suffering was the most important gift of herself that she could give to God and for her family. I felt strength just to be near her. I was excited what God would do with such willingness to offer her pain for us. I was humbled to be her child.

Mom's pain level for the most part was very well controlled with the awesome help of Hospice. It was amazing how sharp she was and for the most part how comfortable she was. Her last night on earth was her huge cross and she had extreme pain starting at 3AM May 26th. Three of the kids were there to help along with Dad. We had to wait 1 1/2 hours for Hospice to come and the medicine was not working. We got to a point where there was nothing else we could do for her but pray, love, talk her thru the pain. It felt like we were helping someone give birth and she was reaching for the heavens in the process. At one point when I was totally helpless and could do no more for her I said "Mom - this suffering has to be worth alot - just know that you are offering this up right now for Dad, Chris, Peter, Susan, Billy, Patrick, Jeanette, Debbie, Mary Beth, Anna and all our families and it is valuable." Just speaking those words made it somewhat bearable at least for me...there had to be a purpose. I look at that night as such a gift to share in my mom's cross.

When suffering comes my way, I try harder now to "offer it up" like Mom did. I try harder to give it purpose and meaning. Her mission is complete and she did it well. I pray that all those graces she sent our way are put to good use and our family joins her one day in heaven after we have each spent our time on earth "offering it up."