Lord I Give You My Life

I had a little breast cancer scare a few weeks ago. The doctor found a small lump and I had to go get my annual mammogram which led to the need for additional testing. It was an interesting week. I entered a tiny bit into my mom's world. How did she deal so amazingly with a cancer diagnosis? Faith - it is everything. I always knew that it would get us through the hardest times but it is different talking about it and than living it. Mom talked it and lived it especially in the hardest time in her life. Right after her diagnosis she told me for months before she had really felt focused on one part of her morning prayers. There was a line in the prayers we both prayed that said each day "Lord I give you my life today to do with it what you will". Wow! I think I just said the words most days without really meaning it. I also think that I was too scared to really mean it. Mom said she felt drawn to those words the months before her diagnosis. I told her to quit praying it! Like somehow if she stopped she could control the plan God had for her. She would have a twinkle in her eye sometimes when she thought about really giving her life to God to do with it what He willed. She had peace in the face of death.

I realized last week that God is always in charge. He can give us a peace no matter what the circumstance. I actually felt that peace as I awaited the next steps of my tests. I did not panic and stress like I usually do. I realized that the doctor could have told me good news or bad and I just gave it all to God and surrendered to His plan knowing that He was in control. It was freeing, scary and beautiful all at the same time. It was a gift and a grace that only He can give. It was nothing I did on my own. I just remembered my mom and it gave me strength.

I ended up with a fibroid cyst and no problems. It was a blessing, a relief and a reminder that life is short. So many others have laid on that table and heard the C word. God is in charge of it all and we each walk our special journey that only He knows. His only goal is for us to get to heaven and He will use whatever it takes...even a little cancer scare as a reminder that He is my strength. I praise Him for life, for each day and for the gift and memory of my mom who showed me that a cancer diagnosis is not the end of the world. Lord I give you my life!