I miss you today Mom

What is it about today. I really miss you today, Thursday, November 18, 2010. Why? Maybe it was the woman I saw at Mass this morning that looked just like you from behind. The same grey hair and the same way you stood - at Church where I saw you often. It took my breath away. Amazing how physical traits can bring back memories, joy, pain, love. Maybe it is because Thanksgiving week is coming up and all the memories are flooding back. I love Thanksgiving and Fall. The trees, leaves, smells, and nip in the air all draw my senses. Thanksgiving was always spent with Mom's side of the family for years. Tons of family, laughter and fun. You and Uncle Mike, Grandma and Grandpa are remembering in heaven! It was just family and love. I feel like that is slipping away some now that you are gone.

This afternoon as I was quiet and pondering life, I got a voicemail on my cell phone from a salon and the receptionist left me a message. She said "Jeanette, this is Sarah from the Salon and your mom is ready to be picked up." I stopped in my tracks and again lost my breath. I called back to let them know they must have had the wrong number but than I sat and wondered. Maybe these are Mom's little ways of letting me know she is here with me, watching, loving, holding me in my sadness as she did so many times. She does not want me to despair, but rejoice as I do so many times that she has fought the good fight and finished the race and is enjoying her crown of heaven. Some of her last words to me when I told her I was sad the day before she died (not knowing we were that close!) were - "Honey, do not be discouraged, everything will be OK." But - today, I just miss her.

I know she does not "miss" us because she is in the fullness of love and truth, but I wonder if she will not be totally complete until we all join her. She was Mom and that was her calling. She spent her life praying and showing us the way to heaven. She was a symbol of peace, love, joy and a message of eternity. It made sense she was the first to go. She had to show us the Way. She had to be a teacher and mentor of true trust in Christ in the face of death. She made it seem doable, bearable and even joyful and she blazed the path. I know she will not rest until we are with her. St. Therese said she will spend her heaven doing good upon earth. I somehow think that Mom will spend part of her heaven interceding for us, her family. It is a big job. There are alot of us and we have had a rough year getting along. Heaven has to pull for us here in the Church Militant. It is a struggle, it is a journey. Our earthly journey has joy and gifts from the Lord but also pain and suffering which almost become the rope to heaven. On days like today - I long for my mom. I long for peace on earth, for love, for forgiveness, for family unity like we had when Mom was dying. I long, Oh Lord. I was amazed how well we all loved in the middle of the suffering. It was a grace and we need that grace and healing now.

Tomorrow will be another day. I will carry on and the sparkle will again be in my eyes and the joy in my step. I will not despair and will never forget the everlasting gift of love Mom gave. It carries me constantly. But, today - I am sad and need a hug and Mom will meet me in my heart.