It's A Wonderful Life!

Every Christmas Eve, my husband and I re-watch the classic movie "It's a Wonderful Life". It seems to never get old as we relive the story of the difference our lives can make in this world even when things are not going our way. The gift of waking up every day and having the love of family and friends should not be taken for granted.

My Mom understood that well, but the love intensified when she got her terminal cancer diagnosis. The Christmas after her diagnosis, she was on a high. She invited us all to her log cabin again and was determined to host Christmas. We helped out a little more than we normally do since mom was tired with the chemo treatments but she had a mission and a plan that day. She was going to make it extra special. All 47 of the family showed and we knew to capture the moment and remember the love. Part of the day was so very normal like the old Christmas days we had at mom's house and another part seemed almost surreal. Deep down we all knew it would be our last Christmas with our Mom. She knew it too.

She gave us a few special gifts that day. Mom was an amazing pianist, singer and musician. She gave her gift to the Church for over 30 years and led music at Mass, funerals, weddings and wherever she was asked. I have great memories of playing the guitar with her as a middle schooler at St. James grade school (Thanks be to God I was not embarassed playing next to my Mom as a teen and actually treasured that time!) On Christmas day, Mom sat at her grand piano with her first grandchild - Rachel - by her side. She played and played and Rachel sang. She played all the Christmas carols that we love and some of the classics like Clare de Lune. I wanted to bottle the moment and I actually think I did. Mom played with such love and conviction in her heart...she was giving the gift of a memory! My sister Debbie and I sat up in her loft listening to the sound we knew so well and just wept. We wept in pain and sorrow for the loss of Mom's presence that we knew was slipping away and we wept in thanksgiving for having such an amazing Mom.

The second gift she gave that day was a message. Mom did not grow up with much money at all and neither did our big family of 9 kids. The Lord always provided what we needed but there usually was not extra. On Christmas day 2007, Mom passed out $45,000 to her kids ($5,000 each) from an inheritance she had received from her aunt. The check came with a note I will forever treasure in my heart and soul. Mom told us that 2007 was a year that was very revealing. She said that she especially learned the lesson of her own mortality and she told us not to worry about her. She said God was taking care of her. She said that with her cancer the Lord showed her even more that all of us (her kids) were pure gift and that she was so grateful to God for one more day to get up and to love us. It was so powerful to read and experience - there was no greater love!

She ended the note with the following: "It's a Wonderful Life, as the movie goes, enjoy yours!" I have pondered on those words many times and they have carried me in times of despair. She knew her life was wonderful and was so grateful. She was giving us permission to be happy even after she was gone. I needed to hear that because deep down I wanted the world to stop the day I heard my mom had cancer. It was just too painful.

Time does heal as God promises and those words ring in my heart constantly as a message for me that all is a gift and it is meant to be enjoyed. I praise God that I can be happy and feel such love even after my Mom has died. It is all a gift!

I spent my $5,000 on a grotto and waterfall to the Blessed Mother which I dedicated in honor and thanksgiving of my Mom's life and my mother-in-law Charelene Engel who died of cancer at 56 years old. It is my place of healing and love. I talk to Mom and encounter my Lord in a special way at my grotto.

It truly is a wonderful life!!