This week I have pondered many things. I understand the scripture more clearly about Mary, a mother who pondered many things in her heart. As the girls get ready to graduate this weekend, I am excited and full of joy but also carry a burden with Christ that at times has left me numb and speechless. As an adoptive Mom, watching big milestones in your kid's lives brings another level of emotion, joy, and even sadness. I represent more than me as a Mom.
I can't help but think about Lauren's birthmom Carol who is so very proud of Lauren and all she has accomplished. She is going to college and that is a big deal for Lauren! I carry Carol in my heart as I watch my daughter take this big step of graduating and heading out into the world. She is 18 now and my hands-on parenting is done. I wonder what Carol thinks and feels. I wonder if she is happy or sad. Maybe she is like me, a combination of emotions created by love. Love for Lauren, love for each other, eternal love that lifts each other up in joy and sorrow. This special moment in Lauren's life and my life as a mother would not have been possible without a "yes". It reminds me of Mary's yes to the angel trusting that God will carry us even though the path we travel is not of this world. We walk the way of eternal love that has no boundaries. Adoption love is wide and big.
I think of Kelly's birthmom whom I never met and wonder if Kelly looks like her. We did not receive any pictures because it was a closed adoption. I wonder if she knows that Kelly is graduating from 8th grade and how very proud we are of her determination and perseverance. Kelly was so very scared and shy that first day of kindergarten and was glued to my hip for months with tears as I dropped her off. Now she is a beautiful young lady with an infectious smile and big eyes of love and a heart of gold. She is heading off to high-school! Sweet is the word that comes to mind when I look at Kelly. She has come out of her shell and made special friends and memories at St. Theresa. I wish I could tell her birthmom that Kelly is amazing and thank her for changing my life. I will continue to offer her my prayers and gratitude in my heart.
My excitement and joy as a Mom are connected to their birthmoms - heart to heart. The Lord has given me empathy to feel their joy and pain. At times the pain is heavy yet beautiful and real and the result of the cross we all carry is amazing LIFE! Lauren and Kelly are going to do great things in the world. They are a beacon of goodness and love in so many ways. I will carry and share in my heart the love of two other proud moms as I watch my daughters graduate! In heaven we will all understand fully each others joy and pain and it will all turn into eternal, pure love. Thank you birthmoms for choosing life. Thank you for your Yes!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Pray a Latte!
I received a very special gift this week. My bible study team gave me a really cool coffee mug. It is big and colorful and fun to hold. It says Pray a Latte - 1 Thessalonians 5:17. Quickly the words of the scripture came to me. Pray without ceasing. Pray always.
My mom loved coffee and she loved praying. When I have my morning coffee and enter into prayer with the Lord, I always think of Mom. I meet her many times in my prayer and in my heart. The veil between heaven and earth is very thin and Mom is there when I need her. 3 years have passed this week since her death. It has gone by quickly and I can say that time has healed the pain some but it also has made it more real. She is finished here and is not coming back. I know I should not want her to come back but humanly speaking I can't help but wonder what she would think this week as I get ready to celebrate Lauren's high school graduation and Kelly's 8th grade graduation. She would have been there with a smile, encouragement, love and tears. She would have talked me through what it feels like as your kids grow up and you start to send them off in the world. She would have prayed for them. My faith tells me that even though I cannot see her or touch her, she still will do all those things...just behind the veil. I believe and I feel peace. Her lessons of love live on in me as a mother. I ask for her patience and calm as I enter this special week for my family. I am blessed to have her intercede for me before the Lord.
She is my Mom and her prayers are even more powerful now for they are perfect and she does truly pray without ceasing!
My mom loved coffee and she loved praying. When I have my morning coffee and enter into prayer with the Lord, I always think of Mom. I meet her many times in my prayer and in my heart. The veil between heaven and earth is very thin and Mom is there when I need her. 3 years have passed this week since her death. It has gone by quickly and I can say that time has healed the pain some but it also has made it more real. She is finished here and is not coming back. I know I should not want her to come back but humanly speaking I can't help but wonder what she would think this week as I get ready to celebrate Lauren's high school graduation and Kelly's 8th grade graduation. She would have been there with a smile, encouragement, love and tears. She would have talked me through what it feels like as your kids grow up and you start to send them off in the world. She would have prayed for them. My faith tells me that even though I cannot see her or touch her, she still will do all those things...just behind the veil. I believe and I feel peace. Her lessons of love live on in me as a mother. I ask for her patience and calm as I enter this special week for my family. I am blessed to have her intercede for me before the Lord.
She is my Mom and her prayers are even more powerful now for they are perfect and she does truly pray without ceasing!
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