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Mom was diagnosed with cancer on August 15, 2007 - the Feast of the Assumption of Mary our Heavenly Mother. I cried out to Mary that night and begged her to watch over me. I knew I had lost a human piece of my mom that day. I had to let go of my need for her to lift me up from my sufferings as she had done my whole life and I had to help lift her.

Where would my strength come from? It came in a simple "thank you". In my anxiety and fear, God asked me to thank him for this "gift" to our family. The words fumbled out of my mouth early that morning of her big test at UVA - "thank you Lord for the gift of my Mom's cancer". I was following Mom's lead the day she was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer as she said - "Lord I thank you for this cross and know you will bring good out of it".

In the thanksgiving, God gave me the strength to endure my hardest suffering - the loss of my best friend, my mom, my strength, my soul mate, my spiritual guide, my wisdom, my mentor, my coach and my forever inspiration.

The only thing that matters in the end is love - eternal love - the love that lasts forever and the love that will reunite all of us in heaven one day. This blog is my story of eternal love. My Mom is my inspiration as I write my thoughts, joys and sorrows and share with others the only thing that matters.



Thursday, June 2, 2011

Thanks for the Yes!

This week I have pondered many things. I understand the scripture more clearly about Mary, a mother who pondered many things in her heart. As the girls get ready to graduate this weekend, I am excited and full of joy but also carry a burden with Christ that at times has left me numb and speechless. As an adoptive Mom, watching big milestones in your kid's lives brings another level of emotion, joy, and even sadness. I represent more than me as a Mom.

I can't help but think about Lauren's birthmom Carol who is so very proud of Lauren and all she has accomplished. She is going to college and that is a big deal for Lauren! I carry Carol in my heart as I watch my daughter take this big step of graduating and heading out into the world. She is 18 now and my hands-on parenting is done. I wonder what Carol thinks and feels. I wonder if she is happy or sad. Maybe she is like me, a combination of emotions created by love. Love for Lauren, love for each other, eternal love that lifts each other up in joy and sorrow. This special moment in Lauren's life and my life as a mother would not have been possible without a "yes". It reminds me of Mary's yes to the angel trusting that God will carry us even though the path we travel is not of this world. We walk the way of eternal love that has no boundaries. Adoption love is wide and big.

I think of Kelly's birthmom whom I never met and wonder if Kelly looks like her. We did not receive any pictures because it was a closed adoption. I wonder if she knows that Kelly is graduating from 8th grade and how very proud we are of her determination and perseverance. Kelly was so very scared and shy that first day of kindergarten and was glued to my hip for months with tears as I dropped her off. Now she is a beautiful young lady with an infectious smile and big eyes of love and a heart of gold. She is heading off to high-school! Sweet is the word that comes to mind when I look at Kelly. She has come out of her shell and made special friends and memories at St. Theresa. I wish I could tell her birthmom that Kelly is amazing and thank her for changing my life. I will continue to offer her my prayers and gratitude in my heart.

My excitement and joy as a Mom are connected to their birthmoms - heart to heart. The Lord has given me empathy to feel their joy and pain. At times the pain is heavy yet beautiful and real and the result of the cross we all carry is amazing LIFE! Lauren and Kelly are going to do great things in the world. They are a beacon of goodness and love in so many ways. I will carry and share in my heart the love of two other proud moms as I watch my daughters graduate! In heaven we will all understand fully each others joy and pain and it will all turn into eternal, pure love. Thank you birthmoms for choosing life. Thank you for your Yes!
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